Ep16 – Day to day charisma #001 Vulnerability

charmer

One could argue – Ok Przemek, you speak about communication, ambitious models, methods and intellectual discipline, but, as you mentioned earlier, having in mind all those subtleties, techniques and strategies is very aggravating if even possible. What could we all do to have more of charismatic charm in normal, small talk situations?

That would be a great argument and indeed very practical question – this in fact is a common sense understanding of charisma, right? The charm, chic, wit in simple, yet invigorating interactions. In this sense then, charisma is synonymous to having great conversational skills. The “magical” three key words for such day to day charisma are vulnerability, kindness and passion. Those are vital few of being able to have great conversations and ultimately be perceived as charismatic person.

#001 Vulnerability
First of all, stop asking questions just to avoid awkward silence. There is nothing wrong about genuine curiosity, but let’s face it. Genuine questions in conversations are rather seldom seen phenomena. Some silence in conversation is natural, there’s nothing wrong with few second of pause to gather the thoughts.

Also, you don’t need logical transitions between topics. Really, you don’t. If you still think you do, use phrases like “that reminds me…” or “for something completely different…” or “new topic: I like…”. But as you observe conversations of people while they in their natural, comfort zone even those phrases are rare. Yet somehow chat starts with cars and ends in comparing world greatest guitarists.

As you get rid of asking pointless questions also get rid of stating opinions to perpetuate conversation. What? That’s right. Let me ask you this – how often do you dilute opinions so they would be more agreeable for “audience”? That’s one of the best examples of high social guard. It’s not necessary and counter-productive so drop it. Express what you think and feel about things. You would be shocked by how many of quirks you see in yourself are common. Also being vulnerable is a sign of bravery, and showing it is the vital step to build trust and connection.

Even if you think about conversations as a performing arts as I do, there is no reason to think in categories of impressing someone or thinking up witty responses. The connection will do it for you. Best performing artist are those who are the quickest to connect with their audiences. Trust build by being open and brave about “your naked personality” is the vital way to get that connection while in conversation. When you connect you will be witty, not the other way around.

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– Przemek Kucia

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