(…) The “magical” three key words for such day to day charisma are vulnerability, kindness and passion. Those are vital few of being able to have great conversations and ultimately be perceived as charismatic person.
Those three live in unbreakable symbiosis if you want to take advantage of your full potential. Topic which we talked about recently – vulnerability – opens you to the next “magical” word, the passion. In order to convey things or ideas you’re involved in you have to drop social guard. That’s not really a rocket science, is it? But as simple as it sounds, I’m sure you know just how tricky it can be to implement. At first it will feel awkward and you will experience anxiety. Probably a lot of anxiety. Let us discuss those barriers now.
I’m aware that for some people anxiety is far more of a problem than for the others. I’m also aware that it can feel very real and destructive, also it’s not really matter of talking yourself through it, right? In those conditions being passionate and being able to intoxicate others with our personality seems like titanic work. But, in my world, that’s some good news. How come? Simply because where there is a defined goal and imaginable way to work ourselves up to this goal there must be at least several tools and a technology to help us get there.
Let’s use some of our rationality and logic to ease ourselves. While in group of friends we tend to feel comfortable, problem shows up with new people. Anxiety is our reaction to the question “how they perceive us?”, right? We know that when meeting a novelty our brains are flooded with oxytocin. To translate it to common language – new people automatically are perceived as more attractive. If you feel anxious there you have it, bonus points to your image just because you’re new. Also believe me, everybody is anxious when in such new situations. Some people are just better in conceiving it. So there is another point to fight through awkwardness – being aware that we are all on similar ground. Next step is to be conscious of that your image/idea of what could happen is just it, an imagination at work. It is based on your fears, desires and powerful, enhanced by emotions, memories. Do you remember the availability heuristic? The thinking trap which states that what is more available for our conscious is also more probable. This is where it’s messing with your judgment.
The bottom line is this: You don’t need an excuse to be passionate. And if you feel you need one, here you go – people like passionate beings, like to be enthusiastic about things, like to listen to ideas and brave chatters. Use phrases as “I imagine…”, “I think that…”, “I maybe don’t know much about it, but here is what it brings me to mind…”. I often observe that thinking aloud and trying to make it clear to whomever I talk with brings us both on a journey. Seeing that flow of involved minds is one of great pleasures I experienced and hope to experience in the future. If you’re having a trouble with dropping down social guard and letting yourself to be passionate about things that interest you I encourage you to try it first with friends and family. Talk about it with them, maybe even ask for gentle feedback.
If you have thoughts, please share in comments, I would very much appreciate it
– Przemek Kucia