(…) The “magical” three key words for such day to day charisma are vulnerability, kindness and passion. Those are vital few of being able to have great conversations and ultimately be perceived as charismatic person.
I would not go as far as some of my idols like Stephen Fry to say that “all the big words, such as truth, freedom etc. are dwarfed in the presence of kindness”, but that being said, I think that kindness itself is, or at least should be considered as one among the big concepts like truth, freedom, love or honesty.
Kindness is obviously a broad and sophisticated concept, but when I think about it in terms of conversations I mean dropping the “me’s” and “I’s” – this egotistical need to constantly impress with achievement or just fill the talk with our own experience. I mean being passionate about with whom you’re talking to. I mean not to compare and value on superficial terms. I mean just being kind, thoughtful, honest and at least try to be somewhat empathic.
As you probably see, the three musketeers of day to day charisma cannot really work as separate of each other. They merge with one another and in best scenario build an instant feeling of connection and trust.
Let’s say you watch another episode of The Big Bang Theory – you’re laughing and smiling all the time, maybe even learning a little bit about geek and scientific worlds. No surprise, it is a great show. But let say that you only walk past the TV room while TBBT is aired and one of the jokes is made. You noticed it, processed through your mind, understood the joke and context, but as you walked past, you didn’t even smiled. What lacked this time is the connection/engagement/focus. The same is with music, books, stand-up comedy and… conversations. We tend to call it drawing attention, chemistry or spark. As you can see on the example of tv show – it is always exactly the same wit and performance from actors, the variable which changes is engagement of watcher, or the connection between them if you will.
In our disengaged world person who can stay vulnerable, passionate and kind is really as pleasant as cool zephyr in hot weather. Of course there are many more factors to good conversation, but those vital few are easy to remember and will produce effect – the technique and intuitive feel will come along through practice.
If you have a positive or negative response in mind, please share in comments section. Take good care
– Przemek Kucia